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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|